{"id":37897,"date":"2019-03-08T17:58:35","date_gmt":"2019-03-08T15:58:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kernbeisser.ch\/love-yourself\/"},"modified":"2023-08-29T15:40:03","modified_gmt":"2023-08-29T13:40:03","slug":"love-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kernbeisser.ch\/en\/love-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"Love yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"

[vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/1″][vc_column_text text_lead=”yes” uncode_shortcode_id=”426478″]Love yourself, unfortunately sounds so unchristian. Some vehemently oppose this statement. One has internalized too much that it is only about the others, never about oneself. This is, of course, nonsense. “Love yourself” is not a slogan, not an advertising slogan. It is a necessity. We are the main actors in our own lives. Every person should also have the opportunity to love himself. That’s what this post is about. Unfortunately, this is often not so easy. Lack of self-love can be the cause of untold suffering in relationships. It is about self-acceptance, about courage to live, about joy of life and ultimately also about whether we as human beings are also liberated in faith.[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text uncode_shortcode_id=”108505″]<\/p>\n

Love yourself<\/h3>\n

Perhaps one of the most difficult things is to love yourself. God loves us – no problem! We love our children, our partners, maybe good friends, we love parents, all in their own and special way. To love others – no problem! Many do so. But one or one you blank out: Yourself.<\/p>\n

To be able to love others but not love yourself, however, is not possible. It looks like it works, that you can love, but is like hiding your own hurts. Therefore, love is given, but in anticipation of redemption by the other. Such love will be exhausted. It does not have a transformative effect, but causes dependency. This kind of passion is what creates suffering. The partner is instrumentalized for pain management, used as a source of soothing one’s own pain. This is not a fulfilling kind of relationship and it cannot become one.<\/p>\n

The central question is: Can I love myself<\/strong> as I am, with all my shortcomings and merits, with all my fears and joys, with my failures and the failures of others towards me? Can I leave all pious platitudes behind and honestly look at my life, myself, and my fears and hopes, address them, and transform them through loving engagement?<\/p>\n

Deception<\/h3>\n

Those who do not love themselves suffer. Others cannot erase this felt gap, the pain, the felt inferiority, the not being able to suffice, the painful imperfection of one’s existence. Those who do not love themselves cannot enter into equal and fulfilling relationships, choose the wrong relationships again and again, repeat the old patterns, speak of “love’s labor in vain” or retreat into relationshiplessness.<\/p>\n

If we project our fears or hopes onto another, then we are merely triggering a deception. Relationships are lived in the hope that the other will heal me, meet me, touch me, liberate me, save me. However, this does not work. I have to take responsibility for my own life and for my own feelings. Only when I am really free, I can perceive and respond to the fulfilling counterpart in this freedom. Only when I am truly free can I live out both my humanity and my faith in this world.<\/p>\n

Am I ready to perceive myself, to go my own way with myself without deception? Do I dare to stop and attend to my own needs, to let myself be transformed, to gain a new perspective? Can I also express my fears and mistakes in front of my partner, in front of my friends, if this is necessary and helpful? Can I set myself apart? Am I noticeable, to myself, to others?<\/p>\n

Finding your way back to yourself is not a luxury, but a necessity. One can either stay on the run or look at oneself, meet oneself anew, look one’s fears anew in the eye, be transformed, start anew.[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text uncode_shortcode_id=”186725″]<\/p>\n

God is love<\/h3>\n

John writes: “God is love” (1Jn 4:16). This is one of the central statements of the Bible. Likewise, it is testified that God loves the world (and not just a few on it, John 3:16). Paul writes to the church that God “in love predestined us for himself” (Eph. 1:5). If we can know anything about God, it is that His essence is love. This message is stunning and liberating. It is this love (Gr. agape<\/em>) that loves selflessly, without reservations. It is neither a pious wish nor a service that we have to compensate with a performance, nor is it an empty claim. God’s love is given because this is His nature.<\/p>\n

Whatever happens, in our lives and in this world, with everything that is also written about God’s action, that happens out of this love. That is why it is said that God created the universe in the Son of His love<\/em> and sustains<\/em> it through Him<\/em> (Col 1:13-17). Love is the supporting element in this world, even if this is not always immediately visible. God’s love has a goal in mind, is working toward something. This love works in time. From this can come a confidence.<\/p>\n

Paul sums up the joyful confidence:<\/p>\n

“What shall separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus? … For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor messengers, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creation, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
\n<\/em>Rom 8:35-39<\/p>\n

[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text uncode_shortcode_id=”117607″]<\/p>\n

But it is not that simple<\/h3>\n

But… Isn’t that a bit woolly now, this love of God? Again and again I get the impression that with many believers something is covered up with the love of God where one should actually look. While God’s love is true and a great good, it should not serve as an excuse for us to avoid real life issues.<\/p>\n

So if I only talk about the love of God, something else is lost, namely the reference to one’s own life and to one’s very own life questions. John writes, “God is love. But something else immediately precedes this:<\/p>\n

“He who does not love has not known God, for God is love.”<\/em>
\n1Joh 4,8<\/p>\n

Those who do not love themselves have not known God. Who does not love! Only those who love see and stand in line with God’s nature and work. Thus, Paul writes that only “faith that works through love can do anything”<\/em> (Gal 5:6). Love always becomes an activity. Love must<\/em> work because that is the nature of love.<\/p>\n

By this you can see God’s work and also liberated life that is loved.<\/em> It is about unconditional, holistic loving without any expectations. If we do not love, then something is wrong. Then we should look.<\/p>\n

In life, not everything is pious and can only be packaged in Bible texts. It does take a healthy amount of knowledge, but not just Bible knowledge. It also needs self-knowledge and an openness to life. We have life issues that are so urgent that they deserve to be made the main topic – until we solve them. Hide-and-seek games behind Bible texts or pious self-deception have no place there. To love requires a listening ear, a seeing eye (Prov. 20:12), and a broad heart (2 Cor. 6:11-13).<\/p>\n

Only then does it start.[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text uncode_shortcode_id=”365960″]<\/p>\n

In the image of God<\/h3>\n

Man is created “in the image of God” (Gen 1:27; Jas 3:9). Jesus is said to be the image of the invisible God (Col 1:15 cf. 2 Cor 4:4). The Son is also “the radiance of His glory and the imprint of His being”<\/em> (Heb. 1:2).<\/p>\n

Am I going too far if I now recognize the essence of God, this love of God, also as a function or characteristic of the human being? Are we not designed with God’s love in mind? Don’t we want to be loved in a very real way ourselves? And conversely, doesn’t our urge to live also seek to love ourselves? Perhaps this love is not always palpable, perhaps our need for love is not satisfied, but do we recognize the need as part of our self, our humanity?[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text uncode_shortcode_id=”136647″]<\/p>\n

Love your neighbor as yourself<\/h3>\n

What helpful thoughts about this can be found in the Bible? Already in the books of Moses it says, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself”<\/em> (3Mo 19,18). But I cannot love my neighbor, including my partner, my children, my friends, and whoever else, if I cannot love myself.<\/p>\n

In the New Testament, this idea is taken up again. A Jew from the group of Pharisees once asked Jesus:<\/p>\n

“Teacher, what is the great commandment in the law?” But he answered him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. But the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself! On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”<\/em>
\nMt 22:36-40, cf. Deut 6:5 and Deut 19:18.<\/p>\n

The apostle Paul writes similarly:<\/p>\n

“For the whole law is fulfilled in the one word: You shall love your neighbor as yourself!”<\/em>
\nGal 5:14<\/p>\n

You shall … love others as yourself! <\/em>Voil\u00e0! There you have it, unmistakable and clear. It takes a healthy love of self. This does not mean narcissism and unfruitful ego-centeredness, but an acceptance of one’s own humanity.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row row_height_percent=”0″ back_color=”color-731465″ overlay_alpha=”50″ gutter_size=”3″ column_width_percent=”100″ shift_y=”0″ z_index=”0″ uncode_shortcode_id=”574307″ back_color_type=”uncode-palette”][vc_column width=”1\/1″][vc_column_text uncode_shortcode_id=”109361″]<\/p>\n

Love your neighbor, he is like you<\/h3>\n

The Old Testament, the Jewish Tenach, states:<\/p>\n

“You shall not avenge yourself or bear a grudge against the children of your people, and you shall love your neighbor as<\/strong> yourself. I am the LORD.”<\/em>
\nExodus 19:18 (Elberfelder)<\/p>\n

This is what the New Testament usage refers to. A few verses further on, this is similarly repeated:<\/p>\n

“As a native among you, so shall the stranger be to you who dwells with you as a stranger; you shall love him as yourself<\/strong>. For strangers you were in the land of Egypt. I am the LORD your God.”<\/em>
\nExodus 19:34 (Elberfelder)<\/p>\n

This chapter is first about the neighbors, later about the “strangers”, “he who dwells with you as a stranger”. So they are not unknown, distant people, but strangers who lived among the Israelites. This has significance because it is a practical arrangement, not a theoretical treatise. The 3rd book of Moses is not unrealistic, but depicts the reality of Israel at that time. There were people who lived among the people as strangers, as “non-Israelites.” These should be “loved as oneself”.<\/p>\n

Martin Buber translates here more closely to the Hebrew:<\/p>\n

“Hold dear your comrade, someone like yourself<\/strong>“<\/em> (Deut. 19:18).
\n“The sojourner who sojourns with you, hold him dear, he is like you<\/strong>“<\/em> (Deut. 19:34).<\/p>\n

In both cases, it is pointed out that the Other who lives next to you, or lives among us, is the same as us. He is like us. The speech is, of course, from the Jewish context. There it is spoken. That’s where it starts. This corresponds to a healthy interpretation: Only when one takes one’s own context seriously, takes one’s neighbors there seriously, can the principle be expanded, broadened.<\/p>\n

The next one is the same as us. He is like us. A detailed statement from the Jewish perspective can be read here:<\/p>\n