Paul despairs of life

The apostle Paul writes from his own experience:

“For we will not leave you in ignorance of our tribulation, brethren, which befell us in the province of Asia, because we were afflicted exceedingly, beyond our strength, so that we despaired of life.”
2Cor 1,8

This is not a rosy picture of a “victorious faith,” as some would like to think. Paul speaks bluntly of hardship and pressure that he himself experienced. He does not hide these things, but deliberately includes them when he writes: “For we will not leave you in ignorance.”

Those who believe do not thereby live in an illusory world. Faith lives only in this world. Sober faith must prove itself again and again. Faith is not to be confused with rigid views, with know-it-allism, or with alleged “benefits for those who believe.” But faith has the power to see the world in a different light. This happens, as Paul describes it, like a lighting up in the darkness.

“For God, who commanded, Out of darkness let light shine; who causes it to shine in our hearts unto the brightness of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”
2Cor 4,6

This is God’s work in us. That’s a whole other side of the experience. On the other hand, there is the despair of life. On the one hand, there is the sometimes very violent reality of this world. On the other hand, there is the reality of faith that is not stuck in the here and now.

Where do we stand?

Light and darkness are not always there together. Sometimes the darkness dominates the experience. Despairing of life is no small feat. Then the existence is threatened. Paul speaks bluntly about it, but does not make it an end in itself and does not put his distress in the center. He reports openly so he can talk about something else – we’ll get to that in a minute.

Bible writers repeatedly report their own distress. The writers of the Psalms often tell us about this, and we also read about it in other books. They don’t always know the answer. Many a psalm only describes hardship as a snapshot. Nowhere, however, is this hardship the end goal. Once the distress is embedded in a biblical story and one is encouraged to finish reading the story, or someone – like the apostle Paul here – speaks of his distress so that he can emphasize something else. In other words, it’s the end that matters.

However, we must make one reservation here: This “coming to a good end” does not always succeed in life. Therefore, the Bible presents us with a God who is far greater than our experience and holds everything in His hands from beginning to end. This embraces our life and goes beyond it. The understanding is: we can never fall lower than into His hands. There is great comfort in this, and from it comes great confidence.

Paul in Asia

The Asia of the New Testament is what we now call Asia Minor and largely correlates with modern-day Turkey. There Paul had his greatest sphere of activity. Here, however, he reports great tribulation and distress. In what is probably his last letter, he reports that everyone in Asia has abandoned him (2Tim 1:15). I imagine that the apostle thought a lot about this. It must have been a very difficult experience. In the same letter he reports about his own life and says – only about himself: “The noble wrestling I have wrestled, the race I have run, the faith I have kept” (2Tim 4,7). Nothing at all was natural for the apostle. It was a wrestling match and a race in which one could lose faith – but he had kept it.

In Corinthians he writes further about his experiences:

“Because we were extraordinarily weighed down beyond our strength, so that we despaired of life. But we had the knowledge of death in us, so that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God, who raises the dead, who gave birth to us from a death of such magnitude and will save us. In Him we rely …”
2Cor 1,8-10

The imagery that the apostle uses here lives from the words “life” and “death”. Paul and those with whom he traveled in Asia “despaired of life.” They even had “the notice of death” in them, so they reckoned that their last hour could have come. In Iconium, for example, Paul was stoned to death (Acts 14:19). Elsewhere Paul writes of his “persecutions and sufferings, such as happened to me in Antioch, in Iconium, in Lystra: yet I overcame such persecutions, and out of them all the Lord saved me” (2 Timothy 3:11). His work was not a study trip in a car, nor was it a tourist beach vacation.

Fade in the reality

Paul despaired of life. I also know people who – for very different reasons – despair of life. It can be caused by the life situation, by the experiences made, by depression or other sufferings. All of these things are very real. Let’s take them seriously. Let’s take seriously the people who talk about it. Let’s blend in the reality of this world.

What you left me for

There is often nothing better than standing next to someone in need, being silent, crying, waiting. What heavy experiences can break through in a life does not deserve to be beaten to death with Bible texts. Let us stand still for a moment at this account where Jesus is spoken of as being executed on the cross:

“When the sixth hour had come, darkness spread over the whole land until the ninth hour. But about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani!” which is interpreted, “My God, My God, wherefore hast Thou forsaken me!” (cf. Ps 22:2)
Mark 15:33-34

Jesus hung on the cross for hours. It is a cruel way of execution. The three hours mentioned here immediately precede His dying. It became dark in the whole country, it says, which marks the atmosphere well, as if God withdraws from His Son. So in something Jesus probably felt it, when he writes down with loud voice and says: “My God, My God, wherefore hast Thou forsaken me!”.

Of note, here in the concordant rendering of the New Testament, is the word “wherefore.” In other translations it usually means “why”. In Greek here it is “eis ti, εἰς τί”or into what. So it’s not just a question about the current situation, it’s a question about what this is taking place for. Already, before the crucifixion in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus understood what was to come. To His disciples there He already said:

“Deeply grieved is my soul, even unto death.”
Mt 26,38

Luke reports:

“So He got into a struggle and prayed even more fervently, and His sweat became like clots of blood falling to the earth.”
Lk 22,44

This last quote probably gave rise to the expression “sweating blood,” but that is not what is said here. This is about “sweat like blood clots” that fell on the earth. It is to make clear the extraordinary burden. Such things can show themselves physically.

Let’s not talk lightly about other people’s suffering. Some may even despair of life itself.

Outlook

In difficult situations, there must be no cheap answer. However, if we read the biblical accounts, we can draw courage from them. However, everything has its time (cf. Ecclesiastes 3). This does not avoid the suffering or death, but emphasizes its importance. It continued through the most difficult situations. Some things are part of our experience, even if we would rather not have them.

Jesus asks and says, “Why have you forsaken me”. This is not an accusation against God, but the statement of an extra dimension, in which even a goal sounds. A confidence rings through in Paul when he writes:

“Had we not the knowledge of death within us, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God who raiseth up the dead.”
2Cor 1,9

For himself and for those who were with him, he says that he learned to trust Him who is able to raise even the dead. He does not deny death, but says that he trusts in God, who is powerful to bring them all back to life.

He even justifies this with his own experience, which is a reflection of it:

“God … Who gave birth to us from a death of such magnitude and will rescue us. On Him we rely…”
2Cor 1,9-10

Here Paul is obviously speaking of an immediate threat that has dissipated. He thanks God for this and describes that he wants to continue to rely on this God who has saved him very specifically from death. Trust in God looks like that – no matter what happens – it continues with Him and through Him. Not “We can!” but “He can!” was internalized.

Does it go on?

Let’s carefully read the reports up here, then it is only “difficult” in the difficult situation. It’s no different for us. We can pronounce hardship, but we still have to go through it. Often there is no shortcut.

I wish you and I that we can accept the reality of this life in all its beauty, but also in all its heaviness. Likewise, I wish that we can learn to trust God in it. We have many stories and accounts in the Bible that speak of extraordinarily difficult situations. They are not just “pious”, but they are “real”. That’s the place where we often start to really listen.

“With a sad face, the heart is in right condition.”
Eccl 7:3

Those who despair of life are often outstanding in life. The heart is in right condition. There is the beginning. We can never fall lower than into His hands. Blessed is he who is reminded by others.