The merciless reality

Our experience in this world can actually be in stark contrast to the experience of faith. I don’t mean real life dangerous situations here, but the personal experience in this world, even in “secured” circumstances. It can be a merciless reality that presses harder than you or I can bear. How do we deal with it? We have the choice to block out our pain and that of the world, or to meet them in faith and in the love of God , and thus be transformed.

Hiding the reality, the sensation in this life, can lead to an escape. The numbing of feelings in any way is part of it. For some it can become a religious escape, namely the escape into their own world of faith, their own conviction, which is supposedly safer or even closer to God. The last, of course, is nonsense, for all is of Him, through Him and to Him(Rom 11:36). We cannot come “closer to God” or be “far from Him” at all. Circumstances, of whatever kind, can at most set our own feelings on a false track (Acts 17:27-29). (Note to self: check own feeling).

The drama triangle

An escape from one’s own fear, one’s own experiences, one’s own lack of freedom, one’s own anxiety, can also take other forms: One withdraws and erects high walls to protect oneself and is no longer open to encounter and touch of any kind. Or one blames others for one’s own misery: The ex-partner, the company, the government, the parents, the church, the “wrong believers,” the others.

Compartmentalization can also take place in special doctrines, orthodoxy, or in conspiracy theories. Or man/woman takes refuge in ever new relationships, as pain relief when one cannot be alone. Perhaps addictive behavior in one area is preventing you from living a free and fulfilling life. I myself am by no means exempt from these questions. Logically, another question suggests itself: What are the reasons for this behavior and how to live differently and more life-affirming?

It’s always the same game. One stands in a drama triangle of victim (myself), perpetrator (the others), and a savior (the new partner, God, Jesus, the new diet, or an ideology), though the roles in all relationships can be reversed at times. No one is free in such relationships. All parties involved agree on the game. The escape from one’s own reality, from one’s own pain, that is the real theme. The illusions about how to avoid this pain are secondary.

Therefore, this drama triangle cannot be transformed. You can only get out of these entanglements. After that, you can deal with yourself responsibly, lovingly and graciously. Only then do transformation and a new experience of life begin.

Are you still struggling or are you already in love?

Of course, there are views that interpret every religion only within the framework of the drama triangle, and always regard God as a “savior” in the sense of the drama triangle. This can actually happen, but only as a derailment. Because I don’t think that’s right. The God as outlined in the Bible never stands in a dependency as the drama triangle provides. Nor does the Bible lead us into a dependency, but it wants to lead us over into an adult self, wherein people independently live and experience the freedom of Christ (Gal 5:1). God does not just save from my pain. God is not a comfort to my unredeemed self. He also doesn’t want me to get stuck in my pain. Rather, the Bible speaks this way: “If God is for us, who will be against us?” (Rom 8:31). This is the ultimate encouragement to finally make a change. The Gospel enables us to do this.

It’s about a completely new starting point. This is precisely the good news. A drama triangle did not provide for that. Reality is changed, but it is left to me to engage with it, to “reckon with it,” as Paul often mentions in Romans. It is not about another form of the drama triangle, as if it were merely a variant, but it is about a relationship in freedom. God invites us to step out of our drama triangle, to set out on our own, and to allow ourselves to be transformed as beloved ones, so that we can finally become lovers as well.

Growing up

Not every flight, by the way, has to be a religious flight, and a living faith has nothing to do with a flight at all. It’s just that they are often confused. This creates cramp instead of strength and frustration instead of pleasure. A liberated humanity and a liberated Christianity belong together. One without the other has no future. That is why we are told to grow up in the faith (Eph 4:11-16, cf. 1 Cor 13:10).

In this context, it is striking: Whenever the Bible speaks of this “growing up,” it is always about love. More about this in the second part of this article.