Development is the normal

The apostle Paul kept pointing out his own journey of faith, and that there was a development. He began his journey as a student of Gamaliel, a famous Jewish teacher in Jerusalem. From a zealot for tradition, he became a persecutor of the church (Phil 3:4-7). Then, on the road to Damascus, Jesus met him in a vision (Acts 9:3-6). This encounter radically changed his life. From a persecutor of the church, he became an ardent follower of Jesus and the most important theologian of the early decades.

Paul has gone through a development. This is not merely a “conversion experience,” but he has undergone further development in the years that followed. He learned from Jesus himself (Gal 1:11-12).

Paul is just one example here. Other examples could be given from the Old and New Testaments, from which a clear personal development of man can be seen. Development is the normal and healthy thing.

Rigid beliefs

I don’t even know how it happened, but at some point I realized that I had landed in a faith environment that was brimming with rigid beliefs. How did it come about?

When I came to faith, it was unspectacular. It was the result of a prolonged dispute. Just as with Paul, this experience has given my life a completely new direction. I entered into a relationship and trusted God. I believed. This process was quite simple. I had been reading the Bible and praying for many months. Then it was like when the sun came up. I learned that His Spirit bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God (Rom 8:15-16). Unspectacular, but sustainable, lively, full of confidence and curiosity.

What I wanted after that was just as simple: I want to know God and Jesus Christ, my Lord. That’s how I had read it and that’s how I had experienced it. The reading and the experiencing were congruent. So I wanted more of it.

At that time I was at home in the Evangelical Reformed Church. It was very open, but I hardly learned anything about the Bible. In the popular church, faith was not necessarily an issue or a completely abstracted distant thought. For me, however, that was not enough. I wanted to deal with the Bible in a concrete way and learn more. I wanted to understand what it means to be a Christian. That’s why I was looking for contact with other people who were also on the road.

This is probably the case for many people: Due to a lack of reference to the Bible, people migrate to free churches. Here, in fact, the Bible was opened. It was preached from the Bible. It was vividly portrayed. In addition, there were house groups, Bible study groups and the like. So I could benefit from the exchange and from many new thoughts. It went forward!

However, something else happened as well. I didn’t notice that at first. I had just begun my journey of faith. I learned something new, but also gathered impressions that I had not been able to classify before. Undoubtedly, I have experienced many good things. In no time I was also in a theological education, because my hunger for the Bible was great. The same thing happened there: much was great, some was unclear. What was still unclear, what I didn’t understand right away, I put aside once. It wasn’t that important and would work itself out.

And that’s when it happened, gradually, that certain beliefs took hold, rigid beliefs, for example, about who is a Christian, when faith begins, how one has to behave, what is good and what is bad. Rigid views on sexuality, relationships and many things more. Insidiously, these ideas have also influenced me.

One topic where contradictions kept coming up was the ideas about heaven and hell. This was the first point I started to check. However, there were also personal issues that influenced unfavorable development.

Programs in the head

How do you arrive at your own beliefs? It’s not always so clear. While many do not hesitate to say that their understanding is “based entirely on the Bible,” I have rarely found this to actually be the case. Why someone becomes a Christian or ends up in this or that church is often not so clear, but merely a series of coincidences. Furthermore, we are not as free as we are led to believe.

Everyone has programs in their head. They are ideas and reactions that have been learned. They are beliefs about life, about relationships, about how man and woman work, about faith and what that means and these things more. They were learned because they ensured survival in certain situations. You did something to belong, to achieve something. They are ways of living, behaviors, thought patterns that often unconsciously influence our lives and thinking for decades to come. One’s own beliefs or those of the community are just as much a part of it.

Certainly, such programs once proved themselves in the mind, but that does not mean that they were made for eternity. Life is change. This applies to all areas of life. This applies to personal life as well as to a faith community. If you always run the same programs in your head, you remain in the past instead of bringing life to fullness. Persisting in “immutable knowledge” is not very helpful. It seems almost macabre to perceive that one holds immovably to certain religious assumptions, but completely loses sight of God’s grace and His work (for oneself or for others).

The same is true for the expression of our faith. This is always personal, limited, and also anchored in time. It is not fixed, and whoever adapts the expression of his faith to the reality of life does not do so because, for example, he denounces God or Jesus, but precisely because the vitality and truthfulness are to be preserved. When life is no longer congruent with faith, there is a need for action. Programs in the head are replaced by better things in healthy development. That is the normal thing. Logically, inappropriate, outdated, non-viable ideas are discarded so that something new can emerge.

Beliefs can and must always be reconsidered. We are growing, we are developing, and no area should be left out.

Dare to reorient

Several times I have had to reorient myself in my life and in my faith. It is not only the normal thing to do, but it is also desired by God. The analogy of growing up is also quoted in the Bible. From child you become teenager and from teenager you grow into adulthood. Likewise, we should grow up in faith:

“Until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to the matured man, to the measure of the fullness, the completion of the Christ, that we may no longer be babes.”
Eph 4:13-14

It does not say that we should all believe the same thing, but that a “unity of faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God” is realized. Not a levelling out, but a growing up. This process has to do with the completion of the Christ, with the fullness that comes from Him. Those who always live in the past, in their own old pain, in tradition, in bondage, cannot reach this fullness. Paul, on the other hand, points out that we are “no longer to be minors.”

Do not feel bound by the bondage of others.

Maturity requires that we take responsibility for ourselves. Only those who take responsibility for themselves can become life-affirming. No one can condemn you to remain in the old pain, to live in bondage, to live out your days in fear, and to come to the freedom of the Christ in nothing. That does not read anywhere in the Bible and that is not God’s will for you. God is not like that. If your faith community disregards your life, but nothing of their statements can be found back in the Bible, then do not feel bound by the bondage of others.

Example

An example from my own experience:

I experienced my parents’ divorce when I was young. That just happened. I couldn’t help it, but the experience became part of my life. For myself, I then determined that I did not want a divorce. I ended up in circles where divorce from Christians was frowned upon, and that was fine with me. Didn’t God say that He hates divorce? (Mal 2:16) It did not strike me that this interpretation was entirely inconsistent with Scripture. Texts like these were and are taken out of context and were meant to say something that often isn’t there. This realization came much later, when I myself suddenly found myself on the street, in a divorce, and my spiritual horizon was swept away.

My expression of faith had not included an option for shipwreck. The circles in which I moved said unanimously: Once shipwrecked, never again captain! Some said that you could file for divorce at the registry office, but “before God” you remain “married anyway.” Or in other words, my life was over. I had gotten into a stalemate situation and was now to remain piously in it. One would have failed and is from now on Christian apostasy.

Here you can see the consequences of unhealthy teaching. In some communities, you are quickly relegated to being a second-rate Christian. I have not only experienced this myself, but have seen it countless times in others. One is belittled, that is: one is no longer allowed to stand on the stage, one is refused from public services. While you are allowed to come to church, you are not allowed to actively participate or take responsibility at all. It is a two-class society and a deeply sad and disturbing belief system.

When I applied for a pastor position in a free church a few years later, they didn’t even bother to answer me. I had to ask persistently until they came out with the answer: they did not want a divorced pastor. I was left breathless. Before my eyes was a “politically correct” picture of a pastor’s family, with husband and wife and everything that goes with it. Other was not an option. I think I could have given some input for a healthier church life, precisely because (!) I was dependent on God’s grace in my life. It struck me: Paul, as an unmarried apostle, would have had bad cards with such a church. I felt I was in the best company because of this – with Paul.

Reorientation was necessary.

Turning Point

This and similar experiences became a turning point for me. The various existential experiences had shaken my own beliefs, but had not called into question my trust in God. I came to the realization that my understanding of the Bible was probably somewhat lacking. I set out to rethink my whole biblical understanding of marriage, divorce, remarriage and the like – using the Bible itself. I took apart every relevant passage in the Bible, looked for commentaries and interpretations, and for the first time I asked real questions about it. If until then I had simply believed blindly without checking anything, I now urgently needed to know whether my previous assumptions were correct or simply wrong.

They were wrong.

I have found my way back to a new and life-affirming faith through reading and studying the Bible. A process of differentiation took place. I had read incorrectly. I was taught wrong. But I myself have responsibility for my life and faith. I could not imagine that the God whom I had come to know as gracious and loving would now rigidly and hostilely put any ideas over me. It was urgent that I find my way out of the confines and back into grace. It is not enough to talk about grace – you should also live it, even if other people’s opinions are contrary to it. Whoever becomes a Christian does not fall out of the world. The claim of freedom from error disregards the need for redemption that is inherent in all of us. Anyone who defines for others what is right and wrong, precisely where the Bible says nothing concrete, is on thin ice.

Life-affirming faith

I had to admit to myself that my desire to learn more about the Bible led me into circles that talk about the Bible but don’t think much about it. It took me a long time to realize that. It also took existentially threatening situations, such as a divorce, for me to give it serious thought. The way out of the confines was arduous, but important. Today I am standing in a different place. I am happy to know many people who are in a similar situation and who have also set out on the path to freedom from Christ. My story is neither extraordinary nor significant. But I mention them so that perhaps others will find the courage to reject rigid beliefs and set out for new horizons.

Rigid beliefs are deadly. They prevent growth and stand in the way of affirming life. They constrict instead of leading out into freedom. Although one speaks of grace, one does not live it. Nor do they allow others to live from it. Rigid beliefs are usually characterized by self-righteousness. Almost identically, Jesus dealt with the religious leaders of his time (cf. Mt 23:13).

A Christian culture in which people must be “faultless,” in which there are first-rank and second-rank Christians, contradicts the spirit of Christ. When doctrines and dogmas distance people from the Bible, keep them away from a liberated Christianity, when they indulge in the frustration of life instead of the joy of life, there is only one thing to do: Get out and start over.

One can believe in a life-affirming way. Surprisingly, you don’t even have to throw a living faith overboard in the process.

Thank God.